I’ve got maybe five minutes.

If I get up I’ll go to the shower and get my clothes on. I’ll brush my teeth and do my hair. I’ll eat my breakfast and go to work. I’ll go to my desk and start my work. I’ll open my calendar and check my emails. I’ll pick the project to start with. I’ll do that. If it’s short enough, I’ll start another. I’ll then go to the coffee counter and take a five or a ten, depending on who’s there. If no one’s there, maybe I’ll listen to a song.

I’ll do more reports. Brett will stop by at sometime and check in. I’ll do some more reports. I’ll make some calls. I’ll give what I can to the complaining Sue will do. I’ll listen to Oz about his family. I’ll watch the clock until lunch. I’ll go to the sandwich shop. I’ll get the Reuben and swiss. I’ll get potato chips, chipotle, if I’m feeling adventurous.

I’ll get an espresso from the cute coffee girl by reception and shoot it before I head upstairs. I’ll pick a new project or finish anything that’s not done. I’ll do that without interruption from the outside world and finish at 5:00pm, which will be enough time for 2 1/2- 3 podcasts.

I’ll drive home. I’ll take the extremely long residential street route to avoid having to sit in traffic for the first leg. If it’s Wed-Fri, I’ll go to the gym for an hour before getting onto the freeway. If I’m really wanting not to sit it terrible traffic, I’ll go anyway. I’ll sit in the sauna and listen to another podcast, one more hopeful or relaxing.

I’ll go sit in traffic and make it home no later than 8:00pm. If I didn’t make anything yesterday or over the weekend, I’ll microwave something or wrap a bunch of veggies in a GF tortilla with hummus. I’ll do the dishes and any cleaning that needs to be done, including laundry. I’ll go take a shower if I didn’t get up in five minutes. I’ll watch something on my laptop or read and fall asleep.

I will get up in five minutes.

This is my moment right now. Before everything. I’ll lay here and in this space have a moment to reflect on anything I please, which is usually that I have nothing I’d be pleased to reflect on. I’ll spend the rest of the four minutes battling a depression. The alarm will go off. I’ll get up out of habit. A force will take me over and I’ll think nothing of my own accord, that isn’t habitual and put there by routine, until my five minutes tomorrow.

I’ve got maybe three minutes.

I wish some sort of inspiration would strike me here. I wish these three minutes would bring about some transformation or epiphany. I don’t know what about. I don’t know what I’d like to realize. I don’t know what I’d like to change or if change has anything to do with it. I’m dead and somewhere inside deep down I’m screaming and tearing my throat up to roar at the top of my lungs, but it’s pretty far down inside me and I’m not really paying attention. Some part of me is screaming, constantly I think, but I’m never listening.

I’ve got two minutes.

I wish I’d listen. That’s what I’ve been wanting out of this moment every morning! I just want to hear the yelling.

I’ve got one minute.

If I could hear the yelling, it would wake me up and reveal what it is I’m waiting for or wanting.

The alarm goes off.

I get up and take a shower.

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